Valerie Evans
No Weigh
Valerie A. Evans, Ph.D. is a licensed and board certified behavior analyst and small business owner. While being a behavior analyst is a big part of Valerie’s identity, she feels most connected to her condition as a vulnerable person. Valerie’s experiences and struggles in everyday life have inspired her to work toward making applications of behavior analysis accessible to other vulnerable people who are interested in a different way of experiencing problems and solutions.
If you have mixed feelings about the holidays, you are not alone. You do not need to celebrate Christmas to be affected by the December crazy.
Anyone who lives in a culture that celebrates Christmas is affected by the holiday season.
If your holiday experiences have been less like a hot cup of cocoa tucked in some oversized mittens and maybe something closer to broken candy canes stuck in the carpet, this post is for you. Having a better holiday experience may be as accessible as a behavior analytic point-of-view.
In the spirit of behavior analysis, let’s take a big step back and take a look at December patterns. Begin by asking, “What are some troubling experiences I tend to have during the holidays?”
These experiences do not need to be perfectly articulated or understood. It is okay to just recognize a tendency to feel overwhelmed, or stressed, or upset with your family even if you aren’t sure why.
Select all that apply.
Feeling better requires a recognition of the patterns and, next, identifying how they trigger or maintain responses. We don’t need to know why we struggle in order to feel better. There is no definitive path that we need to embark on. Rather, it is a matter of taking that first step forward and paying attention to what the Ghost of Christmas Present is showing us in real time.
We don’t need to know why we struggle in order to feel better.
If there is one word that can sum up holiday crazy it might be “expectations.” It is a time of measurement.
What is my experience, and does it measure up with the expectation I have been taught?
Q: What is more important than your mental health?
A: Nothing.
Once we can accept that there are patterns that lead to suffering during the holiday season, we can take the first step forward toward interrupting those unhelpful habits. That first step is to set an intention for the holiday season.
An intention needs to be an action that you can do. For example, feeling calmer is not a useful intention. A useful intention for someone who wants to feel calmer is something they can do that also promotes calmness, like making time to get enough sleep or making time to exercise. This important distinction also clarifies the variables at play. For someone who wants to feel more calm, it might come down to not having enough time to do everything they want to do (or feel like they should do). For someone who feels emotionally disconnected during the holidays, a useful intention is to make time for intimate experiences with loved ones, such as sharing a meal or talking on the phone (if it’s been a while, try it— your friends will love to hear your voice).
No matter the specific patterns and issues that tend to control your holiday seasons, there is one intention that will relate to every person’s experience. And that intention is this: be present. Listen, experience, and consume all that is around you. This requires minimizing the mental to-do lists, letting go of the dread, and allowing what happens to happen. Acceptance is the powerful tool that you can control.
Are you ready for something different?
Valerie Evans
No Weigh Founder
Valerie A. Evans, Ph.D. is a licensed and board certified behavior analyst and small business owner. Valerie worked as a behavior analyst in school and home settings and also as a consultant. In addition to her clinical experience, Valerie worked in research labs as a student and also held a position as Research Associate for the School District of Philadelphia.
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